Movie reviews

Oh yes Daniel Craig IS James Bond! I don't know what everyone's problem is with Daniel Craig, but I went to see Casino Royale with Erin when she came into town last weekend, and I have to say, he is my favorite James Bond yet! This movie was awesome. This installment of Bond doesn't have all the flashy toys that previous Bonds have had, but I don't really think it needed it. It has pure, unadulterated, ACTION! Daniel Craig is playing the "first" James Bond, right after he gains his "00" status. He is rough and unpolished as a secret agent and is not really trusted to do his job, but he kicks ass, and he shows an array of emotions. He is actually much more believable without all the toys, working with the bare minimum, using his mind and brute strength to get to his enemies, and even getting a little hurt in the process. I think the previous Bonds (esp Pierce Brosnan) were a little video-gamish. I guess I should mention that Mr. Craig looks the best in less clothes. Wow, what a body. No hairy chest like Sean Connery, and an ass that could crack walnuts. I must say that I like the newest fashion in mens swimwear displayed in this movie too. Go see it if you haven't already, and take your man if you have to.

I also got to see Stranger that Fiction with Will Ferrell last night. It is certainly not Elf or Anchorman but I really liked it anyways. It is much more grown up. And while I miss the silly jokes and quotability of his previous movies, this one had me rooting for him from the beginning. The way he says things is just priceless. It was actually a drama. But it was humorous, and you could relate to his character. So, no slidesplitting laughter, but lots of chuckles at the strange situations and talking to the air. It's a buyable movie.

I love movies at this time of year, usually. But prospects look a little disappointing for the coming weeks. I'm hoping there are some last minute, not advertised movies that are coming out. Let me know if you hear of anything good to see.

What a week

Yes, I know this week was Thanksgiving and all the family stuff that goes along with it, but more importantly, this week was EMS Conference. The time of year when flashy lights and sirens and all the accompanying toys are celebrated en force. The Texas per capita consumption of beer and other intoxicating beverages increases ten-fold, and sleepless nights are accompanied by hazey memories. This year it was in Dallas, allowing me the opportunity to work as necessary, and still attend most of the conference. It was not as great as it is in Austin, but at least I didn't have to rent a hotel room. I hung out mostly with all my MedStar peoples, but I also got to see old Ags, new Ags, and others from EMS days gone by. I bought my new stethoscope, which strangely enough, makes me want to take blood pressures on my pts myself.

While hanging out with the MedStar people, I had a conversation with Jon, the education guy at Medstar. He hadn't realized that they had fired me for that stupid tardy policy that changed two months later. He thought I had just moved on to greener pastures. He said it was stupid to have fired me for that, and that I should go to HR to appeal my termination and be reinstated, considering that the policy that got me fired was so short-lived. The HR lady told me to send her an email detailing what had happened and she would see what she could do to get me my job back, so I think I will. I won't leave CareFlite; they are too good to me. But I would like to be part-time at MedStar. Get my 911 fix and all of that. And I miss my friends there. I feel like and outsider because I don't know what's going on over there anymore.

I also decided that I will be taking the Critical Care class next semester, assuming I can get the money saved up for the tuition. It's only on Fridays, and they said they would work with my shift and not count off for being gone every third day. That will get me back into the habit of studying and learning on someone else's schedule, which should prepare me for my plans to do the RN completer online with Excelsior. I would never make it at a self-pace without practice first. I am excited about my prospective return to education, and the furthering of my career. That's the good thing about EMS conference, it is full of motivators and motivation to learn more and do more.

Now I am off to work my shift.

Oh what a season

So Blogger decides that it is going to change its stuff. I finally had a chance to sit down at the comptuer last night, and I couldn't log onto Blogger because it had to transfer everything over to the Google beta version. So that leaves me posting at work, which I never usually have a chance to do. On my last post, I had just gotten my new shift after the shift bids. Well, a couple weeks later I had to opportunity to move onto a 24 hr shift out of Garland. So I am only required to work 2 days a week now, but I work much more than that for the benefit of the OT. I love OT pay. And I also love not working OT and having all that time at home. I am working today, and I had the last two days off, and I truly enjoyed sitting at home, watching TV and getting my apartment cleaned up. The cleanliness of my apartment had been declining gradually since I was never home, and I am fighting an uphill battle trying to keep it clean.

I am still engaged to Jeremy, which may seem obvious, but we have had a couple of fights lately, and considering how I feel after those fights, it is still a testament to our commitment that we are still together. We went away together last weekend to Fredricksburg, Tx. It was a trip for his Texas history class, but it was also a nice opportunity to leave our families and all their drama behind, get away from our lives, and just to be together having fun. It was great fun. We went to the Admiral Nimitz museum (National museum for the War in the Pacific), the Pioneer Museum, and the Living history museum (nearer to Johnson City). Of course, we couldn't skip Enchanted Rock. It wasn't a difficult climb, but it sure does wind you if you aren't used to walking up a 30-45 degree incline. We also had time to just be with each other and talk; time which seems to be rare.

I feel like I should apologize for being an absentee blogger. My life has been hectic and emotionally unstable for the last couple of months. I have been working lots and lots of overtime, and on top of that, Jeremy's mom just lost her job, and my parents are getting divorced. In the divorce, I can't help but side with Jerry (obvious to anyone who knows my relationship with my mother) but my mother has been trying to manipulate me in the meantime, and I have just decided to discontinue my relationship with her and cut off all contact (actually that was HER idea) until such a time as she can fix her problems and apoligize for what she has most recently done to me. I find myself playing more of a mother role to Rachael and Joey since they too have decided they want nothing to do with my mom. So yeah, things are crazy and tumultuous. But I am persevering.

With Thanksgiving coming up, I am being forced to face my mother again. We decided not to let her host dinner this time. The last time we trusted her to host a family meal was Rosh Hashanah, and she decided to ruin it. We were all going to be about 15 minutes late (me because i was getting out of work late) so she threw a fit and said we were ruining dinner so she cancelled it. We decided this time it would be better for Jerry's mother to host it. I was under the impression that she would not be coming, considering the court injunction about her not being allowed to see Rachael and Joey, but Jerry invited her anyways. So now I have spend the day with her. Against my will. I have decided that since she told me that she did not ever want to see or speak to me again, I would honor her wishes and ignore her until such a time as she decided to apologize and decide she wanted to have contact with me. Jerry says she is doing better now that she is taking anti-depressants, but I don't expect much of a sincere change. I suppose we will have to see how it will go.

I don't like to work.

I got my new shift at work. We had shift bids on the 20th, and I sat around all day, waiting for my turn to call the shift scheduler to take my pick of shifts. I was hoping to be able to land a 24 hour shift, but being at the bottom of 18 full time paramedics, with only 13 24-hr shifts, I knew my chances weren't good. There would have to be 5 paramedics who did not want a 24. Fat chance. I would have been nice though. I would have really enjoyed only working 2 days a week. Instead, I got a 12 hour shift with a rotating schedule. I am working out of the Frisco station, from 8a-8p. The rotating schedule means I work different days each week. If the week is from Monday to Sunday, then one week I work every day but Wednesday and Thursday; then the next week I work only Wednesday and Thursday. It's not so bad, though. If I want to take vacation, I only have to take two days off to get a whole week. And it gives me overtime on one week, while still averaging 40 hours a week. I hope to not be doing this much longer. EMS, I mean. I'm getting bored with it. It would be nice to have a boring desk job that I can leave a 5pm every day. And have an hour lunch break, and a little cubicle to decorate. And then I can go home and have time to do things. That's what I want.

Sometimes I wonder if I just have a bad work ethic. My mom and Jerry have been training me to do Integrated Circuit layout, and they seem to love it so much. And while learning it, it really doesn't seem that hard, but it is a great paying job with awesome benefits. And yet I have no desire to ever go home and practice or work on the work that they assign me to do for the next lesson. I don't think that I have ever sat down and started to draw stuff since we moved off of paper drawings and progressed to drawing on the computer. And while I don't mind doing my job at work, and I take what I do seriously, I don't think I actually enjoy it or look forward to going to work. I worry that if I ever actually get hired at TI for this layout job, that I will dislike it at much as my EMS job. I worry that I will have no motivation to accomplish something. I am not a self-starter. I need immediate and desperate deadlines hanging over my head in order to hustle and get work done. What's wrong with me. I don't have a problem getting things done around my house when I am home a lot. I can do chores and clean all day so long as I actually start doing something. Maybe that's what it is: I don't have issues with the doing, I have issues with the starting. How do I fix that?

For lack of a better way to ease into this subject, I am just going to jump right in and get to the climax of the post, so just imagine that I said something philosophical and intelligent that eases into the subject and doesn't startle anyone. My mom and step dad are separated and they are most likely getting divorced, unless otherworldly forces intervene and change everything. Jerry finally got fed up and moved out last weekend. He and Rachael and Joey are living a cute, very nice apartment down the street from their former residence where my mom is still residing and they had lived their entire lives heretofore. The thing that surprises me is that Joey's Bar Mitzvah was the weekend before and everything seemed fine. They looked happy and like they liked each other. They danced together at the party and I was under the impression that my mom had changed her behavior and all was good. Apparently not.

The last straw was Thursday when Mom found out Rachael wasn't doing well in her math class, and then she grounded her when she asked to be allowed to switch from Pre-AP Math into the regular math class. Mom destroyed Rachael's room looking for her cell phone, threw Rachael's books off her shelf at her, then threw her bookbag at her. When Jerry found out that Rachael had done all of her assignments on time, contrary to Mom telling him that she hadn't, he decided that this was the last straw.

I spent all last week being furious with my mother. She messed up bad, and she is incapable of owning up to her faults and making any efforts to fix them. Now I just have a huge load of pity for her. She doesn't even know how badly she has lost her family. She still thinks they will come back to her eventually. She is still telling Jerry that he is messing up her finances by pulling this stunt. She thinks she didn't do anything wrong. Why won't they just let her be herself. But that is exactly what they are doing. They are letting her be herself, all by herself. The friends have been divided, and all of "their" friends are now "his" friends. She only has her few friends from other places, most of whom aren't very involved in her life. So she is all alone. She is depressed, and I am worried that she might try to kill herself, if only as an attention stunt. But I can tell you that if she ever says that she is going to kill herself, I am having her committed. Even if I only get the mandatory 72 hours in the psych ward of the hospital.

Jerry is doing a fine job of providing for them, even on the limited funds he has until payday. R and J are happy and doing well in school. R's math grades are up. And Jerry said that she hasn't gone to hide in the closet since they left the house. I wasn't even aware that she would do that, but I guess that was the only place to get away. Jerry is planning on buying a new house in the next six months near their highschool and his parents.

This all sucks. This isn't how things were supposed to be. I'm sure things are going to be settled down by my wedding, but now we will all have to walk on egg shells when they are in the same room, and things will be awkward. R and J are supposed to have a mom that loves them and helps them grow into adults. I'm supposed to have kids and be able to drop them off with both of them. Not him or her. Now I have three parents and they are all separated. I have three parents to divide time and holidays and vacations with. Ug, my mom is so stupid.

Anyways, thanks for the therapy session. Let me know how much I owe you.

Update on the new job

So I have completed my first week working at CareFlite. It has been all classroom, which is kinda boring, and my butt hurts at the end of the day, but I really am digging the 8a-5p thing. I have had plenty of time in the evening to hang out with Jeremy and relax at home. I feel like I have a life. Its great. And it's nice having a little refresher. The classes are really good, and I'm getting CE hours that I can apply to my recertification. We also did a bit of driving, and I had to sit through Defensive Driving with videos that are 15-30 years old. Boooring. We also got to play with sheep guts on Thursday. They had a complete sheep airway, epiglottis, trachea, lungs, and also the heart. So we "intubated" the trachea and got to watch the lungs reinflate. It was cool. Lung tissue is incredibly lighter that it looks like it should be for it's size. I got to perform a crichothyrotomy on the trachea. It was interesting, but I wasn't feeling well that day and the plastic gowns and smelly guts didn't help much.

The guys in my orientation are pretty cool too. Most of them are 21-24 years old, and they are hilarious. They sit through the entire day, talking shit to each other and making snide comments to each other. It's great.

Next week we start what is called 'boot camp.' It is all day classroom stuff to make sure we know how to do stuff, and then tests. We have standing orders for Rapid Sequence Induction. It's cool, but if they test us over it and we don't get 100% on the test, or random retests while we are working, then our primary status gets pulled. I'm not too worried about it, though.

I think I am going to like working here. They have several 24 hour shifts, and one of them is in Irving, about half a mile from my apartment. Acutally, they have an apartment rented in a complex on the same street as my complex, that they use for their 24 hour station. Shannon, the guy who hired me, says that because I am a paramedic, I have a good shot at getting a 24 hour shift because my seniority will rise quickly and there aren't enough paramedics yet. That would be so cool to have a 24 hour shift right next to my apartment.

Anyways, I am happy.

I have been emailing my dad since I have had a hard time communicating with him by phone due to weird schedules/business. I sent him the pic of me and my honey that I just posted, and he sent this one back. I think I was 10 or 11 or something. But notice the t-shirt I'm wearing is New Kids on the Block. Awesome! And, of course, I am with my dad. This was taken on July 4th when we had gone to see the fireworks and were eagerly awaiting their start time. I think I have his nose and chin. What do you think? Wasn't I a cute kid? My hair was crappy, but I think everyone says that. Besides, this is from when my mom used to cut it for me. So it does not necessarily reflect on my taste. I am much more fashionalbe now. My dad asked me when I started to look grown up. It's a good question.

Hey look! It worked! This is Jeremy! Isn't he cute? I think it's a rather fabulous picture. This was taken at Jeremy's brother Jared's wedding. Notice my hair is brown. It has faded a bit since this picture, but it is still darker than any of you have seen.





And this is the fabulous ring he got me. It's huge. Neither of these pics is really clear, but you get the point about what it looks like. Here's the specs in case you are interested: the sapphire is just under 3 carats and it has 14 diamonds around it totaling just under 1 carat, with white gold. Ain't it special...





Well, I finally managed to post a picture to my blog. It's actually really easy, once you get past the website screwing up and being uncooperative. I will be posting more pics of us and of other things. I have no more excuses.

I have tried to post this picture that I have of Jeremy and me for the last 30 minutes. I have gotten the picture shrinked down to 211MB, and when I try to upload it to the Blogger server, I keep getting an error saying that the server has timed out before it can be uploaded. After three times, I am giving up for the night. I also have pictures of the ring. Albeit, they are bad pics that I took with my camera phone, but they get the point across. That is, if I can get the stupid pics posted. Any suggestions? Have any of you encountered this problem and know a possible fix? I am going to try again tomorrow and see if it works better then. Maybe there are just too many people online trying to do things. Eh, at least I tried.

I have a really good picture of Jeremy and me that we took at his brother's wedding, but I downloaded it onto my desktop computer, and it so happens that I always update my blog from my new used laptop. So I don't have the pic with me to post. But I have one. So I will try to post it
when I get home. I just have to figure out how. And I will post the crummy pic of my ring that I took with my camera phone. I still have not gotten around to getting Mitch to take a pic of it with his super cool professional camera.

I have had the last two and a half weeks off from work, since getting fired from MedStar. It has been wonderful. I like not working. But, alas, I have to return to work at my new job this Monday. My hiatus has come to an end. I have one more full weekend off, and then I have two weeks of 8-5 work before going back to shift work. I have no idea what the training and orientation will be like. But it should be more fun than at MedStar, which was a bunch of sitting in a classroom for two weeks. I am looking forward to the helicopter ride out.

Joey's Bar Mitzvah is coming up at the end of this month. My parents are spending more on Joey's Bar Mitzvah than I plan on spending on my wedding. It is supposed to be a rather big shin dig. I get to read a torah portion at the Saturday services for his Bar Mitzvah. I'm rather excited. It is one of the few areas where everyone appreciates my over-preparedness and perfectionism.

Oh, random: I am a brunette now. It was not intended, but when I told Stacy that I wanted to go back to my natural hair color after my excapades as a blonde, she took it a little too far. She says it should fade down to my normal dark blonde, but it is still definitely brown. You shall see in the pics I will post from the wedding. It looks really good. I like it a lot, but I don't think Jeremy does. He likes me blonde.

So I update last with the good news of my engagement. Well, the emotional event rollercoaster continues. Last Tuesday I got fired from my job. MedStar has these wacko attendarnce and tardy policies. They put a new tardy policy into effect on June 1, without telling us what it was going to be, then they made it retroactive to the beginning of the year. It is basically a no-tolerance tardy policy, for whatever individual reasons we have. So by the time the new policy went into effect I already had 4 tardies; one for oversleeping, a couple for bad weather, and one for traffic problems enroute to work. Then the Thursday I got engaged, I was late for work because I was exhausted and completely slept through my alarm. My bad. Then last Tuesday I was late again because I got stuck on the freeway in the aftermath of a fatality auto-ped accident. They had the freeway shut down to one lane so they could do their investigation into why this lady got creamed on the freeway, and I got stuck with no exit to take. I was 15 minutes late to work. But that was my fault because I should have known that that lady was going to be killed that morning when I was trying to get to work, and I should have jumped the concrete barrier, or whatever, so that I could get on time. So I got fired for tardies. Oh, well. I didn't cry. MedStar is the one who cant make it's response times to calls and is 23 paramedics short of being staffed. Not me. I had another job by Thursday. I'm just glad
that I had two weeks of vacation banked. And I'm glad that I had almost a full paycheck coming to me anyways. So my last check was big. And I get two and a half weeks of vacation before I start my new job at CareFlite. And I'm excited about my new job. It sounds like they really care about their employees, and I should hopefully be making more money than I was at MedStar. So it's all good. I'm still happy. And all of this came at the perfect time to hang out with all of Jeremys family that are coming into town for his brothers wedding this weekend. So it worked out better than I even thought it could have. Yay for me.

I was just re-reading the last post I made just after my birthday. Remember how I said that the turquoise ring was a test ring? Well, I guess I won't say I told you so, because it's tacky. But I will say that I am ENGAGED! Jeremy proposed to me last Thursday, the 13th! Wow, crazy, I know. Now, the story, in great detail so I can remember it and tell it to my grandchildren:

I had suggested last Wednesday that we go out to dinner on Thursday after I got off of my overtime shift, since we had not had much alone time with all the preparations for his brother's wedding going on. On Thursday, Jeremy called me while I was at work and asked me where I wanted to go. Then, he suggested this Brazilian restaurant in Grapevine, Boi Na Braza, that we love so much for it's totally delicious vegetable bar. I immediately agreed and went on with my shift. After work, which I got out of late, I scrambled to wash MedStar off of me and put on something cute, then we flew out the door, because apparently he had made reservations. I noticed on the drive over there that he was nervous about being late because he thought they would give his table away, even though we were only about 10 minutes behind schedule. When we walked in, the seated us at a table (the one he had reserved, so all the worrying for nothing, I thought, not realizing the real reason for the nervousness). This table was in a side room with the wine racks, and no one else was seated there. There was a crystal vase on the table with huge, fragrant lilies. I thought, "Hmm, when did they start putting flowers on the table?" I'm dense sometimes and don't pick up on things right away. We then jumped all over the veggie bar and made googley eyes at each other between kisses and bites of artichoke hearts. It was a very romantic dinner, and after we had finished eating he reached into his pocket and pulled out a little leather box. He handed it to me and said, "I got you a gift." Inside I found a plastic gumball ring; a silver star and a large blue plastic stone. He knew that I wanted a sapphire engagement ring because I had jokingly mentioned it sometime in the first month of dating, and then we had been looking at engagement rings online a few weeks before, so he could see what I wanted. He said, "I couldn't afford much because I am saving up for the real thing." And I excitedly exclaimed "You got me a star sapphire! How beautiful!" I simply took this as affirmation that he really wanted to marry me, and he was working hard toward that goal, fully expected an engagement ring by December. The waiter came and took our plates and asked if we wanted dessert now, and Jeremy said yes. When he returned, instead of having the dessert cart, he had a cake, which he set down in front of me, along with a sterling cake server. I recognized the cake as one coming from the favorite cake-maker of the family, which we had been using heavily recently, with all of the weddings, birthdays, and parent's days stuff that had gone on in the last six month. I though, "Geez, his mom will come up with any excuse to buy a cake." See how dense I am? Jeremy suggested I cut the cake, and I when I did, the server would only go halfway into the cake. Confused, I said to Jeremy, "I can't cut it, it won't cut!" He told me to try again, in a different spot. Same results. So he tells me to take the top off the piece of cake and see why it won't cut. After digging, I see a box, in the middle of the cake. I pull it out, wrapped in plastic wrap, and I unwrap it, with my hands shaking. At this point, I think, This is weird, but surely it couldn't be a ring, it's too soon. That won't be until December. That's when everyone gets engaged. It was a porcelain box. With tissue paper inside. Then, shaking, I pulled out the ring from the tissue paper, and Jeremy took it from me. He got down on one knee, and he said, "I love you more than anyone else in the world. You make me so happy, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You are every beat of my heart, and every breath in my lungs. Will you marry me?" Somewhere in the hyperventilating and crying I said yes and hugged him for several minutes. Sometimes it's hard to let go of a hug and move even a few inches away from someone you love that much. I had no idea, until the end. I didn't believe it was happening until I had the ring in my hand. He did a good job. I couldn't have had a better proposal if I had planned it out myself.

The ring:
Is frickin huge. It's 14K white gold, an almost 3 carat oval sapphire, perfect color and opacity, surrounded by 14 diamonds, totaling just under a carat. And it fits my finger perfectly. It was made for me. And God made sure Jeremy found it and that he got it for a reasonable price. The thing takes up almost my entire knuckle. I have a doorknob. I was not expecting it to be anywhere near that size. I will post pictures of the ring, and of the newly engaged couple as soon as I can get a clear, up close pic of the ring. Mitch will have to do it next time I see him, probably on Thursday. Ug, and I guess I actually have to learn how to post pictures on this blog now. I hear it's easy, but not when you don't know how.

Isn't that crazy? I'm engaged!

A lot of stuff has been happening lately. First off, my birthday was last Saturday, the 3rd. I had what I suppose is my first "adult" birthday party. I have not had a birthday party in years because I always seem to work on my birthday, and it just hasn't seemed like that big of a deal, so I never planned a party. But this year Jeremy and I had dinner with my parents, his parents, and two couples who are friends of Jeremy's mom (one of them also was celebrating her birthday). Of course, Jeremy and I were the two youngest. I really enjoy hanging out with adults, especially when they don't talk down to me and they tell stories of their childhood. I love hearing that kind of stuff. We went to this middle eastern restaurant near my apartment that we just love. If any of you are ever in Irving, look up Dunes. But these guys who own this restaurant love Shari (the J-man's mom). They always give us free stuff like tea and baklava. They knew we were coming for a birthday party, and they went and bought a cake for us! And they brought us out plates of watermelon after the cake "to clean our palates." This was the first meeting of our parents, and they seemed to get along swimmingly. And it's been so long since I've had a gift bought for me that was not of my asking. I got some candles and bath stuff, and Jeremy bought me this beautiful sterling silver openwork band with 1cm sq turquoise set in it. And he picked it out all by himself. He got the wrong size, but at least now he knows what my real ring size is...I'm calling this a test ring. Anyways, I had a great time, and we have already planned more times that we and our parents are going to hang out.

Second, I have had a change in my plans for my career change. My mom offered again to train me to do her job, as she has trained many of her now co-workers. All times prior when she has offered, I had declined. It just did not sound fun, and I liked where I was. I guess I am just really wanting a change, because without having to think about it, I accepted her offer. I have had two lessons so far, and my attitude has changed completely. It is fun, like she has said all along, and it is easy too. I have been so much happier the last couple of weeks because I can see the way out of my EMS career. Hopefully, I can manage to get a job doing this by the end of this year. Yay!

It is Mother's Day and I am at work. I just worked a cardiac arrest on a 63 y/o lady. Her family had taken her to church this morning and then brought her home. She was alone for less than an hour, and when her family came back, they found her dead on her kichen floor. I did not ask the family where they went during that time period that they were gone. I imagine they stepped out to go to the grocery store for some food for their Mother's day festivities, or perhaps they went to pick someone up. But imagine you are this woman's daughter. Imagine dropping your mom off at home on Mother's Day and telling her you will be right back, you'll only be gone for a bit. Then you come back to your mother's house where you left her alone while you ran an errand and find her collapsed on the floor of the kitchen. You call 911, and, within a few minutes, the fire department, police and EMS arrive in quick succession. They almost ignore you except for a few quick questions while they are manipulating and performing CPR on your mother. They talk amongst themselves and say a bunch of things you don't understand. They eventually put her on the stretcher, with wires attached and oxygen going, and take her to the ambulance, then they go off to the ER with lights on and sirens blazing. Despite their best efforts, when you arrive at the hospital you hear the news that you knew all along. You mother is dead. They did everything they could. They are sorry.
Did you remember to tell her that you loved her and give hugs and kisses before leaving? Did you think that was the last time you'd see her alive? You were gone for less than an hour, how could this happen? Suddenly a happy day full of flowers and gifts turns into a funeral preparation.

I know this is grim. But this is what I have done so far today. I had to tell this woman's daughter that I was sorry and I did everything I could. Hug your mom and your dad and tell them you love them. And then do it tomorrow, and the next day...

Happy Mother's Day

Hi, my name is Liz, and I am a Jeremy-holic...

I am addicted. It's bad. When I take my drug, I have this constant euphoric state. I walk around laughing and smiling and cracking jokes. I am never home, and I tend to neglect my poor kitties. It's a strange sort of mania. The world is exciting and there are endless things to do.

When my drug is removed from me, I go into withdrawal. I am known to babble incessantly about incoherent subjects: "This one time Jeremy..." "And when Jeremy did this..." I become withdrawn from reality and I tend to slip into my own little world. I annoy people with talk of all the wonderful things that Jeremy does for me. And I become strangely attached to my text messaging. Do they make a Methadone for this?

I find myself spending more and more time with Jeremy and his family. When this whole thing started, I was seeing him on Friday evenings. Then we started doing things on Saturdays too. All day Saturday and into the evening. Then we realized that we start to go crazy after more than 3 days apart, so we started hanging out on Monday or Tuesday after I get off work. And this week we started with Thursday after he gets out of class. And I miss him terribly when we are apart. Four days a week is not enough. I want more. I always have fun. I am never lonely or bored. I feel loved. Jeremy tells me everyday that he adores me.

We have been helping his mother with planning for his brother's wedding, specifically the "Groom's brunch" which is in place of the rehearsal dinner. Jeremy's mom Shari is getting a cake for it that is going to be her idea of what a wedding cake should be, since she hates the cake that they picked out. Since we are helping with all of this, we went with her for a cake testing this weekend. I feel like I am planning my 0wn wedding. Jeremy and I keep looking at things that we want and going through magazines and stuff. And Shari ordered a cake for my birthday that is over a month away. So that means they are throwing a birthday party for me or something. I haven't had a birthday party in years, and I don't really want one. I guess growing up with three birthdays in two weeks has caused me to not really see my birthday as a big deal. Or maybe it's just weird that my boyfriend-of-four-months' family is making a bigger deal of and is willing to plan for my birthday when my own family won't. Food for though.

I am supposed to be getting a raise at work. Actually I am supposed to be getting two raises. The first one should be coming by the end of April, with back pay for the raise to the first of March. That one is due to an increase in the overall payscale that they put in place with the start of the last academy, but they have not yet applied to the current field crews. That one will be super, but I am looking forward to the other pay raise. We so far have no idea yet when this pay raise will happen, but MedStar is buzzing with rumors. It is supposed to be an across the board $2 raise to help keep employees from leaving to take other higher paying jobs in the area. Basically, a morale raise...and boy do we need it. When this first raise hits, I can afford to not work OT every pay period. When the second one hits, I will actually have extra money. Woo hoo.

I got a new diswasher yesterday. My old one stopped actually cleaning my dishes, which isn't surprising, considering it was older than me. So I came home from work last night to find a new dishwasher in the kitchen, Foam walking around anxiously and meowing, and no Willow. No Willow anywhere in my apartment. No Willow anywhere that I could find outside of the apartment. What kind of jerk would let out a cat from an apt they are doing maintenance on and not at least try to catch the cat or TELL THE TENNANT! I walked around the complex for almost an hour, in the rain, calling for her and shaking her can of treats. No Willow. So I went to bed crying, Foam walked around the living room crying, and I prayed that she would be safe and I would find her. I woke up for no reason early in the morning, and before I could fall back asleep, I heard a meow. It wasn't Foam. I jumped up, ran to the door, and there was Willow. She ran back inside and immediately went under the bed. So I fell back asleep and slept for 4 more hours. When I woke up, Foam was apparently mad at Willow, because he kept following her around and hissing at her, and Foamy doesn't hiss. I think he was as scared as I was. I need to get one of those microchips for both of them. Actually, I need a chip that has a GPS tracker. I want to be able to log onto a website and see where my cat is. That would make me feel better. I could log on from work and see my kitty walking around my apartment. Someone please invent this.

Happy Passover.

My mom came down with the flu last Saturday, and she is just now getting over it. Because she was sick, she couldn't cook for Passover Seder that was last night. So she called my step-grandmother, Helen, to ask her to prepare and host the seder. Helen accepted and began cooking on Tuesday, and she cooked all day yesterday. My mom and stepdad were sick and didn't want to get everyone else sick, so they stayed home, and all of us kids had a lovely Seder with Helen and Laurie (aka Nana and Papa). I think it was the least negatively-eventful Seder we have ever had. There is always so much drama when we do family things, but the tension is lower when my Mom isn't there. I'm actually really glad of this, because Jeremy came with me. I really don't want him to see my mother explode or even just be irritable. At the last minute Helen and I finished cooking all the food, everybody showed up, we sat down, we did the service, and we ate dinner. Now that Rachael and Joey are growing up, we could have some pleasantly mature conversation (well, as mature as Papa could muster :)...).

The only problem that occured all night was when I had to put my foot down with Jeremy and spend several minutes convincing him that he was worrying about nothing. He was worried that he would make a bad impression with my grandparents by exposing his tatoo on his R forearm, because he forgot to wear a long sleeved shirt. He was going to buy an Ace bandage from the grocery store and wrap his arm so that they wouldn't see the tatoo. I thought it was silly, unnecessary, and would draw more attention to his arm than the tatoo would. He said that it was giving him a lot of anxiety and he was afraid that he would have a panic attack. But what good does it do him to pander to his anxiety and low self-esteem? The nature of this tatoo is not something that will cause people to think negatively of him. And facing the chance that people will see his tatoo and have it NOT affect their opinion of him will do more good for him. I pointed out that he hid the tatoo from me for a long time, and when I found out about it, it changed nothing. So I told him at the grocery store that I did not want him to buy the Ace bandage, and to just let his tatoo show. He said ok, because he wants to make me happy. And everything turned out ok at dinner, and he did not have a panic attack. I didn't yell, and I don't think I was mean, but I was foreceful. I was afraid that he would be mad at me after this argument, but he said he wasn't, and I just really want him to stop being so hard on himself. I know that his self-esteem is sometimes lacking and he has anxiety issues. I am not going into this relationship to change him, and I accept him the way he is, even if this doesn't change, but I would like it to change. I feel like it is my job to support his esteem and make him feel better about himself. And he just doesn't seem to know how great he is and how much he magnifies his flaws in his mind. Do you think it's wrong of me to push him to stop giving in to his anxiety? Am I totally off base? I don't want to be one of those over-bearing women like my mom.

I also need to know: Is it weird that I am so totally in love with him so soon? I feel like I have always had him in my life, and I can't imagine it without him anymore. In reality, not counting our first date last summer and all the time in between dates 1 and 2, we have only been dating for 2 months and 1 week. I have experienced infatuation. And I don't think this is infatuation, but I could be wrong. I have never had so much fun with one person doing anything and everything. I doesn't matter what we do together, it turns into an adventure. And I laugh all the time. We make silly faces and voices and think nothing of it. I have no emotional modesty with him. And I trust him completely. He gives me everything I have missed from every other major relationship, including with friends and family. I am the most beautiful, intelligent, and caring woman in the world when he is near me. And last night we had a very earnest conversation that for the first time included phrases like "when we get married," and "our kids." We talk about things we want to do together far off in the future. But it has only been two months. Am I crazy, or is this what it feels like to find your soulmate? Opinions please...and be honest.

This weekend was long and crazy. I need a weekend to recoup from my weekend. I got my hair done on Friday. Stacy came over to Mitch's apt and cut and colored both of our hair. Now I'm strawberry blonde with basically the same cut. Mitch went black. Jeremy came with me and got to meet Mitch, Scott, and Stacy and Stacy's boyfriend Leo. And Mitch's friend Chris, and Chris's girls. It was like a party. And we were there kinda late. But it was fun.

Jeremy bought this 5 ft kite shaped like a biplane. We were going to go fly it yesterday before the wedding. But we wound up going to lunch with Mitch and Rachael at Pei Wei. And when we got to the park where the wedding was, there were too many trees in the park to fly it, so we didn't get to. I was really looking forward to that. I guess we'll have to go fly it next weekend. The wedding was kinda weird. Our old Rabbi from my synagogue, who was asked not so nicely to find another place to be a rabbi, was officiating. And the wedding was on a Saturday, but he didn't even wear a kippah or tallit (skullcap or prayer shawl). How un-rabbi-like of him. I can understand that it was a Jewish-Mormon wedding, but really, why would a rabbi not wear them? And there was no wedding canopy. Maybe I'm biased, but a lot of the Jewish wedding traditions are really un-offensive, why not include them? It was a beautiful day though. I had fun walking around the park before the wedding. And Jeremy and I went across the street to the farmer's market and looked at potted flowers. I'd like to fill my balcony with pretty flowers so that I'm more tempted to go sit out there. I found a lot that I like. Jeremy says he's going to buy them for me. :) He's always saying stuff like that. He's so cute. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't show up at my place with an armload of potted plants for me. He took the day off from work on Friday because he had a doctor's appt, and his doctor is in Irving. After he got out of his appt, he started texting me. It happened to be right when I was getting up and dressed. Then he texted "Well, I'm going to eat lunch." And the next one said, "Have you had lunch yet?" When I said no, the next text said, "Go open your door." And when I went to the front door, he was standing there! So he took me out to lunch with him. It was such a sweet surprise! I could go on and on about him.

Lately, especially yesterday, Jeremy and I have been talking about weddings. Especially what kind of wedding we (individually, but hinting at we together) would like to have. Indoor/outdoor, formal/informal, buffet/sit down, kinds of music, DJ or do-it-yourself DJ. And one of the couples from my synagogue who were at the wedding kept commenting on how cute we are together. Paulette kept hinting that we would probably be the next getting married. Who knows? It could happen. ;)

Today is the end of another week at work. It has been an absolutely fabulous work week. I have a new partner, Angie. Dory and she traded shifts because neither of them were happy with their partners (yes, that would include me.) Angie and I get along great. She is 38, so she is more mature than Dory, and we have great conversations. Our personalities are similar and so are our temperments. And we had students on two days this week, so that was good too. I have been under so much less stress. I actually enjoy my work again. So I guess my misery was the partner, not the job.

I am looking forward to this weekend so much. Every weekend with Jeremy has gotten better. Last weekend we went to his brother Jared's birthday party. I think it is so cool that his parents hang out with them and do fun things with them. The whole family, except the oldest brother, were there. I got to meet Jared's fiance's family. After we left, Jeremy told me that I was the most popular topic of conversation. Everyone loves me, but can you blame them? And while Jeremy has not yet said the L-word (which doesn't really bother me), he says things like "I have such strong feelings for you," and "With as strongly as we feel for each other, we should be able to overcome any relationship problems."

This weekend we are going to another wedding. My jewish friend Erin is marrying a Mormon. I found out about this two weeks ago. Mitch said that he would be the photographer, as a favor to Erin's mom Leslie. But I think Mitch is a little upset. This is the girl that he was hoping to marry. And now she is definitely off the market, and he's recording it in pictures. So sad.

Well, if last week was crappy, then the weekend was oppositely wonderful. I got to spend almost the entire weekend with Jeremy. Friday night he came over for dinner again, and I made his favorite fish- grouper. His mom sent me her recipe and the spices she uses when she makes it. She also sent along some baklava, pita, hummus, and babaganush that she picked up when she went to lunch that day. The fish turned out wonderfully and so was the dessert we ate first. I think I have a new favorite fish. I really enjoy cooking with Jeremy (or rather FOR him. He says he's going to take up watching football while I cook.) We wound up staying up late into the night talking. Saturday morning his parents asked me to go along with them for breakfast. His mom basically spent the entire time telling me how happy she is that Jeremy and I are together. Jeremy was supposed to have to spend the day helping his mom with stuff, but she "released" him from this obligation and said he could spend the day with me instead. So we ran off into the sunshine and had to find things to do.

Jeremy showed me the house that his family owns and is renting out, and the carriage house on the back of the lot that he is going to fix up and move into this summer. It's only about 5 minutes from where I live. I'm super happy about that. Then we went to the FW Botanical gardens and walked around for a few hours. We went to the Japanese garden and fed the koi fish in their huge pond. It was great. Next weekend the Japanese garden is having a special presentation with Japanese performers and stuff. I am going to try to take Rachael and Joe to that if they let me. We saw a woman having her bridal photos done in the rose garden, and it got us to talking about Jeremy's brother Jared's wedding coming up in June and then about what we want at our weddings. We keep talking about the future. We want to go hiking together this summer, and I want him to come visit my dad with me this summer. We talk about going to see the botanical garden on Victoria island in Canada. We keep making plans; it's wonderful. After we had exhausted the Botanical gardens, we decided to go to the FW zoo. Jeremy had never been there, and I hadn't been since I was 8 or so. We wound up getting there about 2.5 hrs before it closed, but we managed to see the whole thing. I really am impressed with their setup. You can walk the whole zoo in a straight line and see everything. We had so much fun. I really love just being around him. There is always something to talk about. And I love being part of one of those really annoying, cute, cuddly couples who always hold hands and hug and kiss and share ice cream. Yep, that's me. And I am content.

I have been having such a crappy week at work so far. I've a lot of calls go bad this week, it's been busy and rainy, and I'm really not digging it. And on top of that, I am have increasing less patience and tolerance with my partner, Dory. She drives me absolutely nuts. It seems like everything she does annoys me. Her mannerisms and idiosyncrasies are like running your fingernails down a chalkboard over and over again for all eternity. I don't trust her to be able to do her job correctly and I can't seem to muster any respect for her. These are big problems for me. I spent an hour last night at the station after I got off work venting to my friend Sara about all the thing that drive me nuts. Sara is the only other person who has worked with Dory. Sara did her driving training and field training. She feels my pain.

I pray every day and ask God to make me a more tolerant person. I want to be able to like Dory. I try every day to be patient with her and curb the tone of my voice. I try to understand her shortcomings. The problem is that it isn't working. Every day I work with her I become more disgruntled and frustrated. I can wake up in the best mood, and as soon as I get to work and get on the ambulance I start getting mad about everything. I can't seem to be in a good mood until I get off the ambulance and away from her. And I even wind up taking out my bad mood on fire fighters and pts families. I get snappy and short with them. I get frustrated on scene with everything. And that is not right. I had a talk with my supervisor today, and he is going to look into an anger management class for me. I don't like being angry and pissed off all the time. And it only happens when I'm at work.

Have you ever met someone who just grates on your nerves so much that you can't stand being around him? That's how Dory is. And I don't think that she can do anything to make it so that she doesn't annoy me. That's what's bad. Her facial expressions annoy me. So does the tone of her voice, and her body language, and her constant invasion of my personal space. She has to touch my arm when she talks to me, and I hate that she calls me Lizzy. I've never hated anyone calling me Lizzy, but I want to yell at her not to call me that. But I don't; I put up with it. It is an intimate form of my name, and I only want people I like calling me Lizzy. Jeremy can call me Lizzy, Dory can't. I will have to put a stop to it. I hate that she expects me to entertain her at work, and that she gets bored and restless when we aren't running calls- BRING SOMETHING TO DO! And I want her to stop interrupting me from what I brought to do just because she is bored. It annoys me that she talks about all the stupid stuff that her dogs do, even though I have never shown an interest. "Oh my dog ran out in the rain and rolled around in the mud today! And I told my boyfriend that he'd better give her a bath! Haha!" And then she gets upset because I don't laugh. Maybe I'm just to practical. If I had a doggie door into the flooded back yard, I would put up a blocker in front of the doggie door on rainy days and not let the dogs in the backyard. I know, I talk about my cats like that too sometimes. But not every day. I say one or two things when I am first getting to know someone or when the subject of pets comes up. And then I stop, because I realize that not everyone is 5 yrs old and not everyone loves my cats the way that I do.

All this is really catching up with me today, and I don't know how to handle it anymore. Obviously Dory had something happen too with the supervisor today, I don't know what, but she is not talking to me today, and the supervisor brought her up when I was talking to him. Maybe she has been sensing my dislike. I don't know. But I am glad to have some quiet time today.

Sorry for the rant. And, no, I am not going off the deep end. But I am looking for a new shift and a new partner.

Jeremy asked me a couple of very important questions this weekend when we were together. No, he didn't propose yet; it is still a little early for that. But he asked me some important early-relationship questions. First he asked me to be his date to his brother's wedding in June. Yeah, I know it's not that big of a deal, after all, he went with me to David's wedding. But there is a greater time between now and the wedding than has elapsed already in our relationship. These are in actuality "long term" plans. He plans on still being around in 3 months. The wedding is probably on my birthday, and he said that he'd "make that up to me" if I had to go to this wedding on my birthday. Not that big of deal, spending my birthday at a wedding. Weddings do, after all, trump birthdays.

Later that night he asked me the dreaded "How do you feel about me?" How do you answer that? Of course, honestly, but how honestly? I went all out. The whole truth and nothing but the truth. I had to tell him that I love him. I think he was surprised. He asked me how much I had thought about that. I have thought about it a great deal. And it wasn't scary to tell him. He has every important quality that I look for in a man. And I trust him, respect him, and feel safe with him. I've never felt more comfortable around a boyfriend before. I can tell him anything, and he has told me many things about himself. I never feel silly around him. I actually feel like I have license to be as silly as I want. His answer was just as honest. He doesn't use the word "love" because it scares him. Every time he says love, something goes wrong. But all the implications of the L-word are there. I'm satisfied with that. It has, after all, only been two months. Not bad for two months though, huh?

Wouldn't you know that the first day in three weeks that I get a tablet at work that has internet access would be the day that the internet access company wide goes down. So I got my hopes up this morning that on my first break I would be able to update my blog, and by the time we have a chance to sit for a bit, we have no connection to any internet anything, including the CAD. But here I am, due to popular demand, updating my blog instead of sleeping.

Jeremy met my mom last Saturday. Mom invited us over to "help" make Hamantaschen (little triangular jelly-filled cookies to celebrate Purim). I asked Jeremy if he wanted to come along and get some cookies to take home. That way he could also get some experience with some Jewish holidays, which have been lacking in his family. Jeremy actually rearranged his schedule for Saturday night and moved his plans to Sunday so that he could come along. The poor thing, he was so nervous about meeting my mom and impressing her. I've never had a guy be nervous about making a good impression on my family. He even brought two different outfits to my place so that I could help him pick the better of the two. It went surprisingly well. Everyone was happy and well behaved, including the kids. Rachael was as witty as ever. And Jeremy likes them, so I can put my worries about my family embarrasing me for the moment.

I seem to find myself being one half of the most cutely annoying couple in the world. You know that couple that you see when you go out that look like they are glued to each other? They have to be touching at all times and stop right in your way so that they can grab a kiss? Yeah, that's me and Jeremy. I must say, we are quite disgusting. It's either hand holding or arms around the waist. We did this sort of thing all around IKEA, and as we know it gets more annoying in crowded places. But Jeremy had never been to IKEA before, and I have no idea how long we are going to be a disgustingly affectionate couple, so I didn't want to put off a trip to IKEA indefinitely. What's amazing is that Jeremy and I like all of the same things. Same styles, colors, themes, art. He told me that he likes to look at furniture with me. Hehe. It honestly felt like we were planning how we were going to furnish our house together, or almost like we were shopping for a registry. How is this happening so soon. It kinda scares the crap out of me that everything is going so perfectly and he fits everything I've always wanted, and we have so much random stuff in common, and we want the same kind of life and have the same goals. I keep waiting for the "THING" that is wrong with us being a couple. What is going to come along and ruin it all? There has always been something before? And it can't possibly stay this perfect forever. I know that for sure.

I'm sure I'll ramble on more about Jeremy later, but I can hear some of you vomiting in the background already. Can you imagine me as Elizabeth Julian? It's a good name, huh?

Things have been going really well with Jeremy. We have seen each other every weekend since the first dinner with the Mom. I have grown quite fond of him. He treats me very well, and he never lets me pay for anything. Oh, he did let me pay for a movie rental a couple of weeks ago. His mom still likes me and had invited me out to dinner the weekend before last. I found out that he is now going to school to get a degree in anthropology so he can get a job as a forensic osteologist.

Today is the first day that I have had a tablet at work that has a working internet connection on a day when I have had time to get on the internet. I really just have not had time to update when I've been at home, but then I haven't really been at home a whole lot. I have to cut this post short so I can run a call; I will try to continue my gushing over Jeremy later.

Dinner tonight went well. I had a great time. Jeremy's family seems like a bunch of fun people. They were very kind to me and made me feel very welcome. When I arrived, Jeremy was waiting in the lobby for me, as he said he would be. He walked me over to the lounge area where everyone was waiting for our table to be ready. His mom immediately stood up and said, "You must be Liz!" And then she introduced me all of her friends who were with her, and she told them all the things that Jeremy had told her about me. She then waved me to sit down and pull my chair up beside hers so that we could talk. When she asked if I wanted something to drink, I told her that my friend has recommended trying a mojito. She said that that sounded good and she wanted to try one too. So Jeremy went and got us drinks. His mom is very animated, and she seems like she likes to be the center of attention. She certainly relished the limelight. When we were seated, I sat between Jeremy and his brother's fiance. His brother is very engaging, and tried very hard to keep me involved in the conversations, he asked a lot of questions, and he and his fiance were very nice. Jeremy was very polite, and we smiled a lot at each other, and we kept leaning in to have our own little conversations, and things were fairly laid back between us. I'm pretty sure that he paid for my dinner. And it wasn't a cheap restaurant either. Looking back, I remember him getting up from the table; I thought he was getting more food from the salad bar, but he came back empty handed. At the end of the dinner, I didn't get a check, and I noticed that he didn't either. He just said that if they overlooked me, I shouldn't worry about it. Before we left, all of his family hugged me goodbye, and his mom told me that I should join them again. I told her that I would if Jeremy invited me again. She said, "Oh, don't worry, he will." So needless to say, I'm all smiles and giggles. And there was chemistry there between Jeremy and me. There's definitely potential there. But this is going to go very slow. I am going to encourage him every step of the way, but it will have to be his way, at his speed. And that's ok by me.

I have been talking to this guy Jeremy for the last month. I went on a date with him last July, about two weeks before I met Ben. We talked for three hours over dinner, and I thought we had a lot in common. Then we just stopped talking. I decided that I was not again going to be the one to do the pursuing and go chasing another man. If there was going to be pursuing, it was going to be on his end. So I stopped calling him, and he didn't call me either. During the time since then, I noticed that he was playing the "Jdate game." (This game goes like this: I look at your Jdate profile; you go look at the people who have been looking at your profile, you see that I was looking at it, and you come look at my profile. I then go look and see who has been looking at my profile, and I see that you looked at my profile. So I go look at your profile again; process repeats itself a few times. Then, eventually, either I or you send an email or a flirt or something. Then we start talking. That is the Jdate game.) I noticed that Jeremy would look at my profile at least once a week. So I decided that I was curious, and I sent him an email asking how he was doing. We've been in touch since then, entirely by emailing and text messaging. I'm wondering if he has some phobia about talking on the phone. Text messaging is much safer I suppose. But for the last week or so he has been hinting about hanging out, or asking what I'm doing this weekend, stuff like that. I knew what was coming, and look at me- I let it happen at his pace, and I didn't push it. I let him come up with a way of asking me out on his own terms, and I didn't do it for him. I am so proud of myself. Well, as I'm sure you've guessed, he asked me out. Yes, it was over text message, but it happened. But at least I've already met him, and I know that in person we aren't weird around each other. The thing that is weird, is he invited me to be his date to his mom's birthday dinner this Saturday. I am going to meet his entire family. So, needless to say, I'm nervous. It is weird to meet the family this soon in a relationship, but should I really complain when every other guy has kept me as far from his family and "his" life as possible? Maybe not. But I think maybe I should take a couple of steps to keep this from being as weird as possible. I am going to call him on the phone (uh oh) and ask if we can meet before the dinner, so that we can become reacquainted before I meet his family. Two sticks with one stone. We'll see how it goes.

So my weekend is over now. I had things planned all three days, and yet I was very bored. I took a stupid class at work on Thursday, finally went to see my new Doctor for a physical, and I went and did fun Pampered Chef learning today. All three evenings I wound up at home, alone. Of course, I usually wind up at home, just usually not as early as I did this weekend. I get kinda lonely when this happens. It really makes me look forward to the days when I have the man of my dreams and instead of sitting alone on the couch watching TV, I can sit with Mr Right on my couch and watch TV. Or go out with Mr Right and do something. Now wouldn't it be kinda funny if his name really was Mr Right, or Mr Wright, or something similar. Ok, not really funny. I am kinda talking to this guy Jeremy. Well, not really talking, more like emailing and text-messaging. Things are kinda going slowly, but maybe that's good. I just prefer in-person conversation and activities. Schedules are a problem. He's busy on weekends and not during the week, but he goes to bed at 9pm. My schedule is opposite, and I don't get off work until 9:30pm. Ug. I really am impatient. And I need more social interaction.

I think things are going well at work with Dory. I think we've come to an understanding. I tend to be quiet and not really talkative in the mornings, but I perk up in the afternoons. I think she's seen the pattern because she kinda just leaves me alone and lets me listen to my talk radio, then we converse all afternoon. And I'm really digging the internet access at work. My personal morale has definitely improved. Especially since I'm now stuck in an ambulance for 12 hours 4 days a week, and it's been kinda slow on weekdays. Now we can look up cool, interesting stuff, and check email, and I can blog.

I have recently discovered that hand lotions with glycerin is much better at correcting my dry, scaly, itchy skin than hand lotions without. And now I have smooth, soft hands again. I hate eczema.

I am watching The American President on TBS. This was once one of my favorite movies. Since my fairly recent increase in interest in politics and learning the difference between Democrats and Republicans, I don't really like this movie as much as before. I still like it, just not as much. I don't know why, considering all of my political issues associated with the movie are the same as they were before. I think I just have a lower opinion of DC Democrats now than I did then after all the recent stuff that's been going on.

Ok, I need to be off to bed so you can be relieved of my rambling.

I have internet access on my tablet at work! Yay! It's been a year and a half since they took our internet access away. Now I can check my mail, update my blog, and look up medications and stuff for work on our computer. Yay! So, I'm happy. Oh, yeah, and there's internet games too. Yahoo games is fun. I used to play those all the time at work when I was working nights.

I guess work is going well. I'm much happier being at work now that we have the internet back. Maybe I can stop being so bitter and cynical when I am at work. I like my partner. She's no Becki, but she's also not JD, so I am very thankful. Well, I'm sure I'll be back, but I'm going to go do something else now.

The last few days have been nothing but celebration due to Deborah's wedding. I was so glad to have been able to go to the rehearsal and the dinner. It was such a wonderful experience. I love seeing behind the scenes stuff. And I got to sit and talk with Betsy all through it and get some good pictures. It was so heartwarming to hear everyone at dinner saying all those wonderful things about Deborah and Lonnie. It makes me really glad to be able to know two such great people. And of course it's always fun talking with Jessica, and now I can say that I know her husband (and I know why she married him. He's so great). The wedding was beautiful, and was pulled off wonderfully. And it gave me an excuse to basically harass Adrienne until she called me back. At the reception, I sat with David and Kristen, Adrienne, and Shelley and her friend Erik. I love catching up on stuff that's going on. But I think it's better to not have to catch up, but to be already caught up, and stay there. So I vow to start keeping up with my friends better, so that they stay my friends, and they don't become my used-to-be friends.

I met my new partner today. Her name is Dory. I think it went well. We are the same age, she is two weeks older than me. And she has been an intermediate as long as I have been a paramedic. So she knows what she's doing. And we seem to work well together. We don't walk on each other's toes, and we go in and get the job done. And we are both silly stupid. We make faces and talk in strange voices and make bad jokes. And we both talk a lot. And we like the same music. And I think she'll put up with my talk radio so long as I don't overdo it. I'm scared it won't stay this way though. I liked JD for the first couple of weeks that I worked with him. And then I hated him. So I'm going to try to keep things good with Dory. I've already explained to her the whole JD story, and hopefully she'll understand if I have things that annoy me, as I will be understanding likewise. I'll update on her in the future, I'm sure.

Goodnight.

Wow, so it's only two weeks into the year, and I want it to be over. Ok, not really. I'm just melodramatic. I've had a lot of family stuff going on. My mom and step dad might be splitting up, but we're trying to keep that from happening. It all depends on a certain person's willingness to see a psychiatrist. But we are trying to keep things from going crazy.

And of course it's wedding season. Deborah is getting married on the 21st, as I'm sure we all know. I had the priviledge to go with her to College Station to take pictures in her wedding dress on campus. It was absolutely fabulous. I had a great time reminiscing about the old days and seeing the old campus again. Deborah is beautiful in her dress. And the drive back was full of interesting conversation.

I had a date earlier in the month. The guy is great on paper, but there was no chemistry. Frustration. I think I'm going to go for a friendship, but I don't know how that will turn out.

I have a new shift at work starting on the 21st. Goodbye 24 hr shifts. I will miss you. Starting in a couple weeks, I will be working Sunday thru Wednesday 0930-2130. It's not a bad shift. I think I'll do ok with it. At least I don't have to wake up early anymore. And I'll get some sleep. Mmmm, sleeeep.