I don't like to work.

I got my new shift at work. We had shift bids on the 20th, and I sat around all day, waiting for my turn to call the shift scheduler to take my pick of shifts. I was hoping to be able to land a 24 hour shift, but being at the bottom of 18 full time paramedics, with only 13 24-hr shifts, I knew my chances weren't good. There would have to be 5 paramedics who did not want a 24. Fat chance. I would have been nice though. I would have really enjoyed only working 2 days a week. Instead, I got a 12 hour shift with a rotating schedule. I am working out of the Frisco station, from 8a-8p. The rotating schedule means I work different days each week. If the week is from Monday to Sunday, then one week I work every day but Wednesday and Thursday; then the next week I work only Wednesday and Thursday. It's not so bad, though. If I want to take vacation, I only have to take two days off to get a whole week. And it gives me overtime on one week, while still averaging 40 hours a week. I hope to not be doing this much longer. EMS, I mean. I'm getting bored with it. It would be nice to have a boring desk job that I can leave a 5pm every day. And have an hour lunch break, and a little cubicle to decorate. And then I can go home and have time to do things. That's what I want.

Sometimes I wonder if I just have a bad work ethic. My mom and Jerry have been training me to do Integrated Circuit layout, and they seem to love it so much. And while learning it, it really doesn't seem that hard, but it is a great paying job with awesome benefits. And yet I have no desire to ever go home and practice or work on the work that they assign me to do for the next lesson. I don't think that I have ever sat down and started to draw stuff since we moved off of paper drawings and progressed to drawing on the computer. And while I don't mind doing my job at work, and I take what I do seriously, I don't think I actually enjoy it or look forward to going to work. I worry that if I ever actually get hired at TI for this layout job, that I will dislike it at much as my EMS job. I worry that I will have no motivation to accomplish something. I am not a self-starter. I need immediate and desperate deadlines hanging over my head in order to hustle and get work done. What's wrong with me. I don't have a problem getting things done around my house when I am home a lot. I can do chores and clean all day so long as I actually start doing something. Maybe that's what it is: I don't have issues with the doing, I have issues with the starting. How do I fix that?