Bad news, good news.

I have been having some unsettling problems lately. Off an on, starting around the first of the year, I have had some excruciating back and leg pains. The first time it happened, it started at work, and by the time I left in the morning, my back hurt from my neck to my butt, and I stayed in bed on a heating pad for most of the two days I was off. Since then I have had random pains that came on slowly for no reason, in random places, then just went away without anything specific that I did making any difference. Over the last two weeks I have been in pain more than not. Last Thursday, I went to spend the evening with my Mom, and I was in so much pain I could barely keep up with her when we went grocery shopping and to the book store. I had not really thought anything of the pains until then. I thought I was just hurting myself at work or at the gym. But the pain has not fully gone away for over a week, and it was so bad at work the other night that I could barely do my job.

There is no cause that I can find for these pains. I eat healthy foods, I take my vitamins, I exercise, and I am in very good health. I have not had any heavy lifting at work, and I have actually toned DOWN my workouts. So I have done my research, and the only thing I can find that might be causing this is fibromyalgia. I went to the Fibromyalgia and Fatigue Center's website, and I have many of the symptoms. I had not linked them together before. So I made an appointment, but it's not until Feb 15th. I guess that gives me plenty of time to fully explore all the aspects of my worsening symptoms.

I am worried this is going to continue affecting my work. I am also worried about one of the symptoms I saw on the website: depression. When I read that one, I blew it off. I am normally a happy person, and things going wrong dont usually damper my optimism. I woke up crying this morning because the pain was so bad, and now that the paid has gotten a little better today (like it usually does) every little thing still sets me off to crying. A twinge of pain when I stand up, the thought of taking out the garbage, a stupid tv show or commercial. I cry. I am worried that all of these symptoms are going to get worse. And I have over two weeks until my appointment.

Ok, this is not going to be all bad news and feeling sorry for myself. Last Thursday, I spent several hours with my mom. It was the first time I had seen or talked to her since Hanukkah. It was nice. She seems like she is doing well. She has started making more friends, she has lost 60 pounds, and she is going out and doing things. The divorce is finalized, but I think she is still holding on to Jerry, or he is holding onto her. I am not sure. But overall she is putting her life in perspective. We went grocery shopping while we waited for her prescriptions at Target. Then we got dinner at Rockfish and went book shopping at Borders. I love that place. Despite the pain, we had a good time.

Oh, one more bit of bad news. My grandmother died on Friday early in the morning. We had been expecting it, as she had been in the hospital in a coma since Tuesday. She went in for a bad case of shingles, had a heart attack, went into a coma, was put on an external pacer, and went into kidney failure. She had been ill and in very poor health for a long time. There is not going to be a funeral. She was creamated. We will be spreading her ashes sometime in the spring after everything in Michigan thaws. My mother's family started cleaning out her apartment before she was dead. They have already divided all theri booty. So I doubt that I will be getting any of the things my grandmother had promised me during my childhood. My opal ring was given to my mother's aunt by my uncle. Once again, anyone related to my mother gets nothing. I just wanted that heirloom that I could pass on to my daughter. But I guess I shouldn't expect things to change just because my grandmother has died.