I have been having such a crappy week at work so far. I've a lot of calls go bad this week, it's been busy and rainy, and I'm really not digging it. And on top of that, I am have increasing less patience and tolerance with my partner, Dory. She drives me absolutely nuts. It seems like everything she does annoys me. Her mannerisms and idiosyncrasies are like running your fingernails down a chalkboard over and over again for all eternity. I don't trust her to be able to do her job correctly and I can't seem to muster any respect for her. These are big problems for me. I spent an hour last night at the station after I got off work venting to my friend Sara about all the thing that drive me nuts. Sara is the only other person who has worked with Dory. Sara did her driving training and field training. She feels my pain.

I pray every day and ask God to make me a more tolerant person. I want to be able to like Dory. I try every day to be patient with her and curb the tone of my voice. I try to understand her shortcomings. The problem is that it isn't working. Every day I work with her I become more disgruntled and frustrated. I can wake up in the best mood, and as soon as I get to work and get on the ambulance I start getting mad about everything. I can't seem to be in a good mood until I get off the ambulance and away from her. And I even wind up taking out my bad mood on fire fighters and pts families. I get snappy and short with them. I get frustrated on scene with everything. And that is not right. I had a talk with my supervisor today, and he is going to look into an anger management class for me. I don't like being angry and pissed off all the time. And it only happens when I'm at work.

Have you ever met someone who just grates on your nerves so much that you can't stand being around him? That's how Dory is. And I don't think that she can do anything to make it so that she doesn't annoy me. That's what's bad. Her facial expressions annoy me. So does the tone of her voice, and her body language, and her constant invasion of my personal space. She has to touch my arm when she talks to me, and I hate that she calls me Lizzy. I've never hated anyone calling me Lizzy, but I want to yell at her not to call me that. But I don't; I put up with it. It is an intimate form of my name, and I only want people I like calling me Lizzy. Jeremy can call me Lizzy, Dory can't. I will have to put a stop to it. I hate that she expects me to entertain her at work, and that she gets bored and restless when we aren't running calls- BRING SOMETHING TO DO! And I want her to stop interrupting me from what I brought to do just because she is bored. It annoys me that she talks about all the stupid stuff that her dogs do, even though I have never shown an interest. "Oh my dog ran out in the rain and rolled around in the mud today! And I told my boyfriend that he'd better give her a bath! Haha!" And then she gets upset because I don't laugh. Maybe I'm just to practical. If I had a doggie door into the flooded back yard, I would put up a blocker in front of the doggie door on rainy days and not let the dogs in the backyard. I know, I talk about my cats like that too sometimes. But not every day. I say one or two things when I am first getting to know someone or when the subject of pets comes up. And then I stop, because I realize that not everyone is 5 yrs old and not everyone loves my cats the way that I do.

All this is really catching up with me today, and I don't know how to handle it anymore. Obviously Dory had something happen too with the supervisor today, I don't know what, but she is not talking to me today, and the supervisor brought her up when I was talking to him. Maybe she has been sensing my dislike. I don't know. But I am glad to have some quiet time today.

Sorry for the rant. And, no, I am not going off the deep end. But I am looking for a new shift and a new partner.