So I update last with the good news of my engagement. Well, the emotional event rollercoaster continues. Last Tuesday I got fired from my job. MedStar has these wacko attendarnce and tardy policies. They put a new tardy policy into effect on June 1, without telling us what it was going to be, then they made it retroactive to the beginning of the year. It is basically a no-tolerance tardy policy, for whatever individual reasons we have. So by the time the new policy went into effect I already had 4 tardies; one for oversleeping, a couple for bad weather, and one for traffic problems enroute to work. Then the Thursday I got engaged, I was late for work because I was exhausted and completely slept through my alarm. My bad. Then last Tuesday I was late again because I got stuck on the freeway in the aftermath of a fatality auto-ped accident. They had the freeway shut down to one lane so they could do their investigation into why this lady got creamed on the freeway, and I got stuck with no exit to take. I was 15 minutes late to work. But that was my fault because I should have known that that lady was going to be killed that morning when I was trying to get to work, and I should have jumped the concrete barrier, or whatever, so that I could get on time. So I got fired for tardies. Oh, well. I didn't cry. MedStar is the one who cant make it's response times to calls and is 23 paramedics short of being staffed. Not me. I had another job by Thursday. I'm just glad
that I had two weeks of vacation banked. And I'm glad that I had almost a full paycheck coming to me anyways. So my last check was big. And I get two and a half weeks of vacation before I start my new job at CareFlite. And I'm excited about my new job. It sounds like they really care about their employees, and I should hopefully be making more money than I was at MedStar. So it's all good. I'm still happy. And all of this came at the perfect time to hang out with all of Jeremys family that are coming into town for his brothers wedding this weekend. So it worked out better than I even thought it could have. Yay for me.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Sunday, July 16, 2006
I was just re-reading the last post I made just after my birthday. Remember how I said that the turquoise ring was a test ring? Well, I guess I won't say I told you so, because it's tacky. But I will say that I am ENGAGED! Jeremy proposed to me last Thursday, the 13th! Wow, crazy, I know. Now, the story, in great detail so I can remember it and tell it to my grandchildren:
I had suggested last Wednesday that we go out to dinner on Thursday after I got off of my overtime shift, since we had not had much alone time with all the preparations for his brother's wedding going on. On Thursday, Jeremy called me while I was at work and asked me where I wanted to go. Then, he suggested this Brazilian restaurant in Grapevine, Boi Na Braza, that we love so much for it's totally delicious vegetable bar. I immediately agreed and went on with my shift. After work, which I got out of late, I scrambled to wash MedStar off of me and put on something cute, then we flew out the door, because apparently he had made reservations. I noticed on the drive over there that he was nervous about being late because he thought they would give his table away, even though we were only about 10 minutes behind schedule. When we walked in, the seated us at a table (the one he had reserved, so all the worrying for nothing, I thought, not realizing the real reason for the nervousness). This table was in a side room with the wine racks, and no one else was seated there. There was a crystal vase on the table with huge, fragrant lilies. I thought, "Hmm, when did they start putting flowers on the table?" I'm dense sometimes and don't pick up on things right away. We then jumped all over the veggie bar and made googley eyes at each other between kisses and bites of artichoke hearts. It was a very romantic dinner, and after we had finished eating he reached into his pocket and pulled out a little leather box. He handed it to me and said, "I got you a gift." Inside I found a plastic gumball ring; a silver star and a large blue plastic stone. He knew that I wanted a sapphire engagement ring because I had jokingly mentioned it sometime in the first month of dating, and then we had been looking at engagement rings online a few weeks before, so he could see what I wanted. He said, "I couldn't afford much because I am saving up for the real thing." And I excitedly exclaimed "You got me a star sapphire! How beautiful!" I simply took this as affirmation that he really wanted to marry me, and he was working hard toward that goal, fully expected an engagement ring by December. The waiter came and took our plates and asked if we wanted dessert now, and Jeremy said yes. When he returned, instead of having the dessert cart, he had a cake, which he set down in front of me, along with a sterling cake server. I recognized the cake as one coming from the favorite cake-maker of the family, which we had been using heavily recently, with all of the weddings, birthdays, and parent's days stuff that had gone on in the last six month. I though, "Geez, his mom will come up with any excuse to buy a cake." See how dense I am? Jeremy suggested I cut the cake, and I when I did, the server would only go halfway into the cake. Confused, I said to Jeremy, "I can't cut it, it won't cut!" He told me to try again, in a different spot. Same results. So he tells me to take the top off the piece of cake and see why it won't cut. After digging, I see a box, in the middle of the cake. I pull it out, wrapped in plastic wrap, and I unwrap it, with my hands shaking. At this point, I think, This is weird, but surely it couldn't be a ring, it's too soon. That won't be until December. That's when everyone gets engaged. It was a porcelain box. With tissue paper inside. Then, shaking, I pulled out the ring from the tissue paper, and Jeremy took it from me. He got down on one knee, and he said, "I love you more than anyone else in the world. You make me so happy, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You are every beat of my heart, and every breath in my lungs. Will you marry me?" Somewhere in the hyperventilating and crying I said yes and hugged him for several minutes. Sometimes it's hard to let go of a hug and move even a few inches away from someone you love that much. I had no idea, until the end. I didn't believe it was happening until I had the ring in my hand. He did a good job. I couldn't have had a better proposal if I had planned it out myself.
The ring:
Is frickin huge. It's 14K white gold, an almost 3 carat oval sapphire, perfect color and opacity, surrounded by 14 diamonds, totaling just under a carat. And it fits my finger perfectly. It was made for me. And God made sure Jeremy found it and that he got it for a reasonable price. The thing takes up almost my entire knuckle. I have a doorknob. I was not expecting it to be anywhere near that size. I will post pictures of the ring, and of the newly engaged couple as soon as I can get a clear, up close pic of the ring. Mitch will have to do it next time I see him, probably on Thursday. Ug, and I guess I actually have to learn how to post pictures on this blog now. I hear it's easy, but not when you don't know how.
Isn't that crazy? I'm engaged!
I had suggested last Wednesday that we go out to dinner on Thursday after I got off of my overtime shift, since we had not had much alone time with all the preparations for his brother's wedding going on. On Thursday, Jeremy called me while I was at work and asked me where I wanted to go. Then, he suggested this Brazilian restaurant in Grapevine, Boi Na Braza, that we love so much for it's totally delicious vegetable bar. I immediately agreed and went on with my shift. After work, which I got out of late, I scrambled to wash MedStar off of me and put on something cute, then we flew out the door, because apparently he had made reservations. I noticed on the drive over there that he was nervous about being late because he thought they would give his table away, even though we were only about 10 minutes behind schedule. When we walked in, the seated us at a table (the one he had reserved, so all the worrying for nothing, I thought, not realizing the real reason for the nervousness). This table was in a side room with the wine racks, and no one else was seated there. There was a crystal vase on the table with huge, fragrant lilies. I thought, "Hmm, when did they start putting flowers on the table?" I'm dense sometimes and don't pick up on things right away. We then jumped all over the veggie bar and made googley eyes at each other between kisses and bites of artichoke hearts. It was a very romantic dinner, and after we had finished eating he reached into his pocket and pulled out a little leather box. He handed it to me and said, "I got you a gift." Inside I found a plastic gumball ring; a silver star and a large blue plastic stone. He knew that I wanted a sapphire engagement ring because I had jokingly mentioned it sometime in the first month of dating, and then we had been looking at engagement rings online a few weeks before, so he could see what I wanted. He said, "I couldn't afford much because I am saving up for the real thing." And I excitedly exclaimed "You got me a star sapphire! How beautiful!" I simply took this as affirmation that he really wanted to marry me, and he was working hard toward that goal, fully expected an engagement ring by December. The waiter came and took our plates and asked if we wanted dessert now, and Jeremy said yes. When he returned, instead of having the dessert cart, he had a cake, which he set down in front of me, along with a sterling cake server. I recognized the cake as one coming from the favorite cake-maker of the family, which we had been using heavily recently, with all of the weddings, birthdays, and parent's days stuff that had gone on in the last six month. I though, "Geez, his mom will come up with any excuse to buy a cake." See how dense I am? Jeremy suggested I cut the cake, and I when I did, the server would only go halfway into the cake. Confused, I said to Jeremy, "I can't cut it, it won't cut!" He told me to try again, in a different spot. Same results. So he tells me to take the top off the piece of cake and see why it won't cut. After digging, I see a box, in the middle of the cake. I pull it out, wrapped in plastic wrap, and I unwrap it, with my hands shaking. At this point, I think, This is weird, but surely it couldn't be a ring, it's too soon. That won't be until December. That's when everyone gets engaged. It was a porcelain box. With tissue paper inside. Then, shaking, I pulled out the ring from the tissue paper, and Jeremy took it from me. He got down on one knee, and he said, "I love you more than anyone else in the world. You make me so happy, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You are every beat of my heart, and every breath in my lungs. Will you marry me?" Somewhere in the hyperventilating and crying I said yes and hugged him for several minutes. Sometimes it's hard to let go of a hug and move even a few inches away from someone you love that much. I had no idea, until the end. I didn't believe it was happening until I had the ring in my hand. He did a good job. I couldn't have had a better proposal if I had planned it out myself.
The ring:
Is frickin huge. It's 14K white gold, an almost 3 carat oval sapphire, perfect color and opacity, surrounded by 14 diamonds, totaling just under a carat. And it fits my finger perfectly. It was made for me. And God made sure Jeremy found it and that he got it for a reasonable price. The thing takes up almost my entire knuckle. I have a doorknob. I was not expecting it to be anywhere near that size. I will post pictures of the ring, and of the newly engaged couple as soon as I can get a clear, up close pic of the ring. Mitch will have to do it next time I see him, probably on Thursday. Ug, and I guess I actually have to learn how to post pictures on this blog now. I hear it's easy, but not when you don't know how.
Isn't that crazy? I'm engaged!
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
A lot of stuff has been happening lately. First off, my birthday was last Saturday, the 3rd. I had what I suppose is my first "adult" birthday party. I have not had a birthday party in years because I always seem to work on my birthday, and it just hasn't seemed like that big of a deal, so I never planned a party. But this year Jeremy and I had dinner with my parents, his parents, and two couples who are friends of Jeremy's mom (one of them also was celebrating her birthday). Of course, Jeremy and I were the two youngest. I really enjoy hanging out with adults, especially when they don't talk down to me and they tell stories of their childhood. I love hearing that kind of stuff. We went to this middle eastern restaurant near my apartment that we just love. If any of you are ever in Irving, look up Dunes. But these guys who own this restaurant love Shari (the J-man's mom). They always give us free stuff like tea and baklava. They knew we were coming for a birthday party, and they went and bought a cake for us! And they brought us out plates of watermelon after the cake "to clean our palates." This was the first meeting of our parents, and they seemed to get along swimmingly. And it's been so long since I've had a gift bought for me that was not of my asking. I got some candles and bath stuff, and Jeremy bought me this beautiful sterling silver openwork band with 1cm sq turquoise set in it. And he picked it out all by himself. He got the wrong size, but at least now he knows what my real ring size is...I'm calling this a test ring. Anyways, I had a great time, and we have already planned more times that we and our parents are going to hang out.
Second, I have had a change in my plans for my career change. My mom offered again to train me to do her job, as she has trained many of her now co-workers. All times prior when she has offered, I had declined. It just did not sound fun, and I liked where I was. I guess I am just really wanting a change, because without having to think about it, I accepted her offer. I have had two lessons so far, and my attitude has changed completely. It is fun, like she has said all along, and it is easy too. I have been so much happier the last couple of weeks because I can see the way out of my EMS career. Hopefully, I can manage to get a job doing this by the end of this year. Yay!
Second, I have had a change in my plans for my career change. My mom offered again to train me to do her job, as she has trained many of her now co-workers. All times prior when she has offered, I had declined. It just did not sound fun, and I liked where I was. I guess I am just really wanting a change, because without having to think about it, I accepted her offer. I have had two lessons so far, and my attitude has changed completely. It is fun, like she has said all along, and it is easy too. I have been so much happier the last couple of weeks because I can see the way out of my EMS career. Hopefully, I can manage to get a job doing this by the end of this year. Yay!
Sunday, May 14, 2006
It is Mother's Day and I am at work. I just worked a cardiac arrest on a 63 y/o lady. Her family had taken her to church this morning and then brought her home. She was alone for less than an hour, and when her family came back, they found her dead on her kichen floor. I did not ask the family where they went during that time period that they were gone. I imagine they stepped out to go to the grocery store for some food for their Mother's day festivities, or perhaps they went to pick someone up. But imagine you are this woman's daughter. Imagine dropping your mom off at home on Mother's Day and telling her you will be right back, you'll only be gone for a bit. Then you come back to your mother's house where you left her alone while you ran an errand and find her collapsed on the floor of the kitchen. You call 911, and, within a few minutes, the fire department, police and EMS arrive in quick succession. They almost ignore you except for a few quick questions while they are manipulating and performing CPR on your mother. They talk amongst themselves and say a bunch of things you don't understand. They eventually put her on the stretcher, with wires attached and oxygen going, and take her to the ambulance, then they go off to the ER with lights on and sirens blazing. Despite their best efforts, when you arrive at the hospital you hear the news that you knew all along. You mother is dead. They did everything they could. They are sorry.
Did you remember to tell her that you loved her and give hugs and kisses before leaving? Did you think that was the last time you'd see her alive? You were gone for less than an hour, how could this happen? Suddenly a happy day full of flowers and gifts turns into a funeral preparation.
I know this is grim. But this is what I have done so far today. I had to tell this woman's daughter that I was sorry and I did everything I could. Hug your mom and your dad and tell them you love them. And then do it tomorrow, and the next day...
Happy Mother's Day
Did you remember to tell her that you loved her and give hugs and kisses before leaving? Did you think that was the last time you'd see her alive? You were gone for less than an hour, how could this happen? Suddenly a happy day full of flowers and gifts turns into a funeral preparation.
I know this is grim. But this is what I have done so far today. I had to tell this woman's daughter that I was sorry and I did everything I could. Hug your mom and your dad and tell them you love them. And then do it tomorrow, and the next day...
Happy Mother's Day
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Hi, my name is Liz, and I am a Jeremy-holic...
I am addicted. It's bad. When I take my drug, I have this constant euphoric state. I walk around laughing and smiling and cracking jokes. I am never home, and I tend to neglect my poor kitties. It's a strange sort of mania. The world is exciting and there are endless things to do.
When my drug is removed from me, I go into withdrawal. I am known to babble incessantly about incoherent subjects: "This one time Jeremy..." "And when Jeremy did this..." I become withdrawn from reality and I tend to slip into my own little world. I annoy people with talk of all the wonderful things that Jeremy does for me. And I become strangely attached to my text messaging. Do they make a Methadone for this?
I find myself spending more and more time with Jeremy and his family. When this whole thing started, I was seeing him on Friday evenings. Then we started doing things on Saturdays too. All day Saturday and into the evening. Then we realized that we start to go crazy after more than 3 days apart, so we started hanging out on Monday or Tuesday after I get off work. And this week we started with Thursday after he gets out of class. And I miss him terribly when we are apart. Four days a week is not enough. I want more. I always have fun. I am never lonely or bored. I feel loved. Jeremy tells me everyday that he adores me.
We have been helping his mother with planning for his brother's wedding, specifically the "Groom's brunch" which is in place of the rehearsal dinner. Jeremy's mom Shari is getting a cake for it that is going to be her idea of what a wedding cake should be, since she hates the cake that they picked out. Since we are helping with all of this, we went with her for a cake testing this weekend. I feel like I am planning my 0wn wedding. Jeremy and I keep looking at things that we want and going through magazines and stuff. And Shari ordered a cake for my birthday that is over a month away. So that means they are throwing a birthday party for me or something. I haven't had a birthday party in years, and I don't really want one. I guess growing up with three birthdays in two weeks has caused me to not really see my birthday as a big deal. Or maybe it's just weird that my boyfriend-of-four-months' family is making a bigger deal of and is willing to plan for my birthday when my own family won't. Food for though.
I am addicted. It's bad. When I take my drug, I have this constant euphoric state. I walk around laughing and smiling and cracking jokes. I am never home, and I tend to neglect my poor kitties. It's a strange sort of mania. The world is exciting and there are endless things to do.
When my drug is removed from me, I go into withdrawal. I am known to babble incessantly about incoherent subjects: "This one time Jeremy..." "And when Jeremy did this..." I become withdrawn from reality and I tend to slip into my own little world. I annoy people with talk of all the wonderful things that Jeremy does for me. And I become strangely attached to my text messaging. Do they make a Methadone for this?
I find myself spending more and more time with Jeremy and his family. When this whole thing started, I was seeing him on Friday evenings. Then we started doing things on Saturdays too. All day Saturday and into the evening. Then we realized that we start to go crazy after more than 3 days apart, so we started hanging out on Monday or Tuesday after I get off work. And this week we started with Thursday after he gets out of class. And I miss him terribly when we are apart. Four days a week is not enough. I want more. I always have fun. I am never lonely or bored. I feel loved. Jeremy tells me everyday that he adores me.
We have been helping his mother with planning for his brother's wedding, specifically the "Groom's brunch" which is in place of the rehearsal dinner. Jeremy's mom Shari is getting a cake for it that is going to be her idea of what a wedding cake should be, since she hates the cake that they picked out. Since we are helping with all of this, we went with her for a cake testing this weekend. I feel like I am planning my 0wn wedding. Jeremy and I keep looking at things that we want and going through magazines and stuff. And Shari ordered a cake for my birthday that is over a month away. So that means they are throwing a birthday party for me or something. I haven't had a birthday party in years, and I don't really want one. I guess growing up with three birthdays in two weeks has caused me to not really see my birthday as a big deal. Or maybe it's just weird that my boyfriend-of-four-months' family is making a bigger deal of and is willing to plan for my birthday when my own family won't. Food for though.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
I am supposed to be getting a raise at work. Actually I am supposed to be getting two raises. The first one should be coming by the end of April, with back pay for the raise to the first of March. That one is due to an increase in the overall payscale that they put in place with the start of the last academy, but they have not yet applied to the current field crews. That one will be super, but I am looking forward to the other pay raise. We so far have no idea yet when this pay raise will happen, but MedStar is buzzing with rumors. It is supposed to be an across the board $2 raise to help keep employees from leaving to take other higher paying jobs in the area. Basically, a morale raise...and boy do we need it. When this first raise hits, I can afford to not work OT every pay period. When the second one hits, I will actually have extra money. Woo hoo.
I got a new diswasher yesterday. My old one stopped actually cleaning my dishes, which isn't surprising, considering it was older than me. So I came home from work last night to find a new dishwasher in the kitchen, Foam walking around anxiously and meowing, and no Willow. No Willow anywhere in my apartment. No Willow anywhere that I could find outside of the apartment. What kind of jerk would let out a cat from an apt they are doing maintenance on and not at least try to catch the cat or TELL THE TENNANT! I walked around the complex for almost an hour, in the rain, calling for her and shaking her can of treats. No Willow. So I went to bed crying, Foam walked around the living room crying, and I prayed that she would be safe and I would find her. I woke up for no reason early in the morning, and before I could fall back asleep, I heard a meow. It wasn't Foam. I jumped up, ran to the door, and there was Willow. She ran back inside and immediately went under the bed. So I fell back asleep and slept for 4 more hours. When I woke up, Foam was apparently mad at Willow, because he kept following her around and hissing at her, and Foamy doesn't hiss. I think he was as scared as I was. I need to get one of those microchips for both of them. Actually, I need a chip that has a GPS tracker. I want to be able to log onto a website and see where my cat is. That would make me feel better. I could log on from work and see my kitty walking around my apartment. Someone please invent this.
I got a new diswasher yesterday. My old one stopped actually cleaning my dishes, which isn't surprising, considering it was older than me. So I came home from work last night to find a new dishwasher in the kitchen, Foam walking around anxiously and meowing, and no Willow. No Willow anywhere in my apartment. No Willow anywhere that I could find outside of the apartment. What kind of jerk would let out a cat from an apt they are doing maintenance on and not at least try to catch the cat or TELL THE TENNANT! I walked around the complex for almost an hour, in the rain, calling for her and shaking her can of treats. No Willow. So I went to bed crying, Foam walked around the living room crying, and I prayed that she would be safe and I would find her. I woke up for no reason early in the morning, and before I could fall back asleep, I heard a meow. It wasn't Foam. I jumped up, ran to the door, and there was Willow. She ran back inside and immediately went under the bed. So I fell back asleep and slept for 4 more hours. When I woke up, Foam was apparently mad at Willow, because he kept following her around and hissing at her, and Foamy doesn't hiss. I think he was as scared as I was. I need to get one of those microchips for both of them. Actually, I need a chip that has a GPS tracker. I want to be able to log onto a website and see where my cat is. That would make me feel better. I could log on from work and see my kitty walking around my apartment. Someone please invent this.
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Happy Passover.
My mom came down with the flu last Saturday, and she is just now getting over it. Because she was sick, she couldn't cook for Passover Seder that was last night. So she called my step-grandmother, Helen, to ask her to prepare and host the seder. Helen accepted and began cooking on Tuesday, and she cooked all day yesterday. My mom and stepdad were sick and didn't want to get everyone else sick, so they stayed home, and all of us kids had a lovely Seder with Helen and Laurie (aka Nana and Papa). I think it was the least negatively-eventful Seder we have ever had. There is always so much drama when we do family things, but the tension is lower when my Mom isn't there. I'm actually really glad of this, because Jeremy came with me. I really don't want him to see my mother explode or even just be irritable. At the last minute Helen and I finished cooking all the food, everybody showed up, we sat down, we did the service, and we ate dinner. Now that Rachael and Joey are growing up, we could have some pleasantly mature conversation (well, as mature as Papa could muster :)...).
The only problem that occured all night was when I had to put my foot down with Jeremy and spend several minutes convincing him that he was worrying about nothing. He was worried that he would make a bad impression with my grandparents by exposing his tatoo on his R forearm, because he forgot to wear a long sleeved shirt. He was going to buy an Ace bandage from the grocery store and wrap his arm so that they wouldn't see the tatoo. I thought it was silly, unnecessary, and would draw more attention to his arm than the tatoo would. He said that it was giving him a lot of anxiety and he was afraid that he would have a panic attack. But what good does it do him to pander to his anxiety and low self-esteem? The nature of this tatoo is not something that will cause people to think negatively of him. And facing the chance that people will see his tatoo and have it NOT affect their opinion of him will do more good for him. I pointed out that he hid the tatoo from me for a long time, and when I found out about it, it changed nothing. So I told him at the grocery store that I did not want him to buy the Ace bandage, and to just let his tatoo show. He said ok, because he wants to make me happy. And everything turned out ok at dinner, and he did not have a panic attack. I didn't yell, and I don't think I was mean, but I was foreceful. I was afraid that he would be mad at me after this argument, but he said he wasn't, and I just really want him to stop being so hard on himself. I know that his self-esteem is sometimes lacking and he has anxiety issues. I am not going into this relationship to change him, and I accept him the way he is, even if this doesn't change, but I would like it to change. I feel like it is my job to support his esteem and make him feel better about himself. And he just doesn't seem to know how great he is and how much he magnifies his flaws in his mind. Do you think it's wrong of me to push him to stop giving in to his anxiety? Am I totally off base? I don't want to be one of those over-bearing women like my mom.
I also need to know: Is it weird that I am so totally in love with him so soon? I feel like I have always had him in my life, and I can't imagine it without him anymore. In reality, not counting our first date last summer and all the time in between dates 1 and 2, we have only been dating for 2 months and 1 week. I have experienced infatuation. And I don't think this is infatuation, but I could be wrong. I have never had so much fun with one person doing anything and everything. I doesn't matter what we do together, it turns into an adventure. And I laugh all the time. We make silly faces and voices and think nothing of it. I have no emotional modesty with him. And I trust him completely. He gives me everything I have missed from every other major relationship, including with friends and family. I am the most beautiful, intelligent, and caring woman in the world when he is near me. And last night we had a very earnest conversation that for the first time included phrases like "when we get married," and "our kids." We talk about things we want to do together far off in the future. But it has only been two months. Am I crazy, or is this what it feels like to find your soulmate? Opinions please...and be honest.
My mom came down with the flu last Saturday, and she is just now getting over it. Because she was sick, she couldn't cook for Passover Seder that was last night. So she called my step-grandmother, Helen, to ask her to prepare and host the seder. Helen accepted and began cooking on Tuesday, and she cooked all day yesterday. My mom and stepdad were sick and didn't want to get everyone else sick, so they stayed home, and all of us kids had a lovely Seder with Helen and Laurie (aka Nana and Papa). I think it was the least negatively-eventful Seder we have ever had. There is always so much drama when we do family things, but the tension is lower when my Mom isn't there. I'm actually really glad of this, because Jeremy came with me. I really don't want him to see my mother explode or even just be irritable. At the last minute Helen and I finished cooking all the food, everybody showed up, we sat down, we did the service, and we ate dinner. Now that Rachael and Joey are growing up, we could have some pleasantly mature conversation (well, as mature as Papa could muster :)...).
The only problem that occured all night was when I had to put my foot down with Jeremy and spend several minutes convincing him that he was worrying about nothing. He was worried that he would make a bad impression with my grandparents by exposing his tatoo on his R forearm, because he forgot to wear a long sleeved shirt. He was going to buy an Ace bandage from the grocery store and wrap his arm so that they wouldn't see the tatoo. I thought it was silly, unnecessary, and would draw more attention to his arm than the tatoo would. He said that it was giving him a lot of anxiety and he was afraid that he would have a panic attack. But what good does it do him to pander to his anxiety and low self-esteem? The nature of this tatoo is not something that will cause people to think negatively of him. And facing the chance that people will see his tatoo and have it NOT affect their opinion of him will do more good for him. I pointed out that he hid the tatoo from me for a long time, and when I found out about it, it changed nothing. So I told him at the grocery store that I did not want him to buy the Ace bandage, and to just let his tatoo show. He said ok, because he wants to make me happy. And everything turned out ok at dinner, and he did not have a panic attack. I didn't yell, and I don't think I was mean, but I was foreceful. I was afraid that he would be mad at me after this argument, but he said he wasn't, and I just really want him to stop being so hard on himself. I know that his self-esteem is sometimes lacking and he has anxiety issues. I am not going into this relationship to change him, and I accept him the way he is, even if this doesn't change, but I would like it to change. I feel like it is my job to support his esteem and make him feel better about himself. And he just doesn't seem to know how great he is and how much he magnifies his flaws in his mind. Do you think it's wrong of me to push him to stop giving in to his anxiety? Am I totally off base? I don't want to be one of those over-bearing women like my mom.
I also need to know: Is it weird that I am so totally in love with him so soon? I feel like I have always had him in my life, and I can't imagine it without him anymore. In reality, not counting our first date last summer and all the time in between dates 1 and 2, we have only been dating for 2 months and 1 week. I have experienced infatuation. And I don't think this is infatuation, but I could be wrong. I have never had so much fun with one person doing anything and everything. I doesn't matter what we do together, it turns into an adventure. And I laugh all the time. We make silly faces and voices and think nothing of it. I have no emotional modesty with him. And I trust him completely. He gives me everything I have missed from every other major relationship, including with friends and family. I am the most beautiful, intelligent, and caring woman in the world when he is near me. And last night we had a very earnest conversation that for the first time included phrases like "when we get married," and "our kids." We talk about things we want to do together far off in the future. But it has only been two months. Am I crazy, or is this what it feels like to find your soulmate? Opinions please...and be honest.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)